5 Years Old

Oh, where did I leave off? Oh ya, 5 years old. Some people may ask why at the age 5? Why not sooner? Well, that is when I actually started to understand and remember things. Things that really stuck out to me, and at that time I didn't understand why. Now, it all makes sense. We all know what it was like at that age, and oh the fun. So many friends because we all had so much in common, we were kids! Our only worries were school and playing, nothing more, nothing less. The world was a wonderful place with little to worry about and nothing else mattered.

For me, it was a little different. I was young and troubled with some untold things that ate me alive.For the time I do not care to discuss some of these things, but eventually, in time, I will. As time progressed some of these things began to bother me, I was getting older and started to really understand. I began to have some behavioral issues. It was a downhill spiral from this point on. I began to see some doctors who "acted" if they were trying to figure out what was wrong. I was diagnosed with a multitude of things from PTSD, ADHD, and whatever else they could think of. It came to a point where all they wanted to do was shove pills in y mouth. A child on a bunch of pills? Really? Is that what we resorted to with our kids? Pills?

Now remember, while all this was going on there were some deep dark secrets that nobody knew about. A point to be made, how many people just come out and say that something bad is or has happened to them? Adults know how to hide it a little better and do not generally speak of it. Kids on the other hand, have yet to learn communications skills and when they act out, this is usually a sign that something is wrong. I went on for about 7 years and it was tough til finally someone stepped in.

This was not something anyone wanted, and at that time it hurt even more then what I was going through. Department of social services. It was supposed to be a part time thing, foster care. It was supposed to be on the weekends, a res pet type thing but it got worse. I was an even more of an outcast, on top of being a troubled youth with problems nobody actually asked about. Sitting at a table eating macaroni while they ate steak, my few toys from my family broken by the vindictive spoiled children with no punishment. As I remember this I can vividly picture it all, it is time for me to take a break from this. I will continue more at a later time.