Lately I have become overwhelmed with emotion and drive. This is not necessarily good either, but either way here I am. 5 years later looking at what my life was like before and wishing I back there again. Now, I wake up everyday asking why? What was the reason? Was it worth it? Constant pain and pure hurt that nobody really has to see and help me through it but my loved ones. That should be enough right? I must be selfish to ask for more! Who am I to think I deserve more than what I received. I mean really, get over it and accept it, you chose to do it. Nobody twisted your arm, your acting like a child!
After some time of constantly battling with my own emotion, my mind and decisions become distorted. I cannot think clearly and act on impulse. I look all around and hate everybody as they walk by doing their everyday thing, and not once even glance at some photos on a wall. Again, my mind starts spinning with thought. Who do they think they are, to show such disrespect, not even to give 3 seconds of their time once a day.
This all get's worse and worse over time, no medication has helped. Though it was supposed to for years. Counseling and psychologists did nothing, as the pain kept coming back, dealing with the same thing over and over again and it not getting any better, but far worse. Who are we? What have we become? Can we really call ourselves Americans?
People think I am crazy and have no sense. People think I talk in circles and have no ground to stand on. When things happen, people only see the outside and do not care to know what caused it or why. People go about their everyday lives and do not turn a head, yet I know they can hear us screaming. How can you not, we are everywhere. We are what you eat, breathe, and sleep. Do you not see this? We are you as you are us. Well, that is how it is supposed to be, but it is far from that. I will prove it as I blog about my life before, during, and after. What you ask? You mean you don't know, you have no clue or idea? Please tell me you have some sort of a notion.
It all started way back when I was about 5 years old.....
I love you hon, and you're still and always will be my HERO....xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteyou're a good writer! You should turn this story into a book
ReplyDeleteThank you too fro the comments and I really do appreciate it, it really means a lot. I was not thinking about a book, but if that is what comes of it, then that would be great. I just want to express not only what I feel, but what many others feel as well. Again thank you Samantha for the encouraging words, and Kathy you have always been great to me.
ReplyDeleteMy son my Hero. Don't matter what others do or say in this world you should always remember you are one of the few. The ones who do not understand are the ones who were not brave enough to take the stand as you and many of your fellow brothers. We as your family stand by you all the way. You should not think of what others think you should walk past them with your head held high cause you did what they couldn't and that makes you a special and unique person. STAND PROUD MY SON AS I STAND PROUD FOR WHAT YOU DID AND MOST OF ALL WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME TODAY. THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR AMERICAN HERO'S THE ONES WHO CAME HOME AND THE ONES WHO WERE NOT THAT LUCKY. LUVS TO YOU ALL AND YOU ALL HAVE MY HIGHEST RESPECT. OOOOHA!!!!!
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